I had an opportunity to look DEEP within recently.
I have been
transitioning at such a RAPID pace it has been hard to document. It is
more a living minute to minute and learning to "BE" and not think ahead.
Being in the moment has been such a challenge. It started years ago
with RW always beating into me to "Just be in the moment" or to "Let
go". I never fully understood that till now. There is a GREAT
difference in "non-attachment" as opposed to "de-tattchment". It has
taken flying solo and having to come to the realization of certain
things I have tried to manipulate or create not materializing to realize
this. It is not an easy thing to admit, this trying to control what
CANNOT be controlled. It is like trying to DICTATE the Universe. I am
sure the "folks upstairs" are laughing their cabooses off at that one.
spoke to a mystic today. A woman who I know possesses a gift for
"clarity" and "second sight". She has been a friend and a person of awe
for me in many fields: dancing, composure, dedication to the Craft,
etc. It was finally time to meet with her and look realistically into
what the universe was guiding me to do. I have been feeling many
stirrings and vibrations the last few months, felt something happening,
and wanting to solve puzzles, but I could not put it into words. She
did a reading that spoke wonders and we vibrated on a shared frequency.
I think I might just have finally been ready to cross the threshold.
We touched base on fear and why so many people choose to live a mundane
or "checked out" existence. Because it is HARD to reach for the long
term goals and live OUT OF THE WORLD.
Our fear is the most
crippling demon we can create. "I can't" or "I'm not good enough" or "I
do not deserve" are mantras of negativity we replay in our heads like
broken records. We uncovered a huge challenge for me. One of my
karmactic goals was to learn to focus on ME and not be afraid to be a
bit selfish and work on the abilities and talents to find MY SOLO VOICE.
I have been so fixated on role models to solve problems and had an
idea of what life was SUPPOSED to be like. I realized recently it was
this BLIND SPOT that kept me from being flexible to the path I was on. I
was willing to kill blessings that are clear to me cause they did not
manifest the way I thought they ought. In the world of "relationship"
it is not always black or white and tied up with a bow. The word
"RELATIONSHIP" is so vast. It is not always about romance, friendship,
family, etc. Sometimes we are blessed with a presence or a special
spirit that comes to teach us and help us grow and rather then speculate
or manipulate, we need to simply HONOR it and let it's magic permeate
our being. I was fortunate to be enlightened recently about this. I
almost lost something precious to me cause I failed to be flexible and
see things in a way other then my own ambition. I am fortunate I was
able to see and learn that lesson before it was too late.
is a freedom in reaching a higher level and also in simply accepting
TRUTH. It opens up a whole new realm of space we can fine tune and be
akin to. We can FOCUS on the journey and be content to be a passenger
in the ride the Universe wants us to take. With out all of these
contradictions and conflicts our focus can move us leaps and bounds to
learn what our next move and purpose is as we work and shape toward our
hearts desire. It is different for us all. What moves and stimulates
each of us is precious and sacred in the deepest, most secret reaches of
our hearts. It is what drives us to strive for what has heart,
integrity, and meaning in an otherwise pedestrian world.
this is at a budding state. It is fresh and new, and a bit scary. I am
not sure what the out come will be be, but it is a start. The future
looks and feels alive and full of promise. One thing I know for
certain. I must learn to think of the "I" and not the "We" in my
journey right now. I must revel and humbly thank and give equal energy
to the ones who are sent to inspire and help me, but never settle to
think it is one of them who will or should walk the path for me. The
Warrior must always be ready to act. To be in control and flexible to
handle the unknown. There is no place for rigidity and control. This
is not to be confused with DISCIPLINE and FOCUS. With focus comes
knowledge. And with knowledge comes power. And power, coupled with a
reverence at all times, can be used so majestically and beautifully it
is an honor and mission to rise to the challenge when one is CALLED.
future will unravel and what will be will be. But one thing is for
certain. I NEVER want anyone to speak of me and say that I did not put
up a GOOD FIGHT.