Study: A "Broad"

"Sometimes they just want us to SHUT UP"... (my lovely friend Del R talking about men)

I was thinking about my roles as a model and as a WOMAN (author's note: "woman" is not to be confused with being a "girl") the other day. I was listening to an artist friend who was talking about the politics and competition amongst the various art clubs and groups that he was submitting and trying to break into. I told him though I can empathize, I was not dwelling in the same place as he. I explained that as a model, I was seen as a submissive. A feminine role amongst a sea of competitive people who are the artists. Sort of like a traditional husband and wife roll. As a submissive or in a model capacity, I was expected to bring beauty, softness, and inspiration to the table. In fulfilling my role as a "muse", I would hopefully inspire their inner soul to create and provide the pieces to fit into what I was offering in the form of a completed canvas or a solution to the offering I was creating. Sort of a "yin" to my "yang". In other words, to unleash their inner power to create a journey or direction as a "CREATOR" to "capture" the essence of what I would be offering in front of them. In this union, done right, the end result would be an inspiring or beautiful piece of artwork. That is what the word "Collaboration" means. Two forces moving in perfect balance to create a harmonious end result.

I wish that in my personal life I could create a "masterpiece" that easily. It has been a terrific study of late for me to delve into my deep place as a WOMAN and decide what roles I would like to create in the world. There are two kinds of personalities - "Masculine" and "Feminine". Once we decide what role we want to undertake, there is a series of behavioral and social actions that must follow. For some reason, I have been shown by many people and situations around me that I must pay attention and do some work on my "role". It is so simple for me as a model to "be present" and create a role of vulnerability and, hopefully, inspire with great humility. Being "still" is a big part of the role. I have learned after a number of years to hone my craft and go somewhere in my mind to click into the energy and vibration that needs to be present to testify to a "true" session. I wondered as I thought about this why it was so difficult as a WOMAN to figure this out.....

Lately, I have been challenged to really think about what I want and who I want to be and attract. It is all about choices and the ability to be absolute in the role you wish to be perceived. I decided along time ago I was a feminine woman. A "girly girl" who gravitated to all things romantic, lovely, and sweet. I was determined to create a world around me full or beauty and live graciously. I have been blind to the fact that though one person wants something, we must also attain it and call it to us by sending it out with our words, deeds, and behavior. This came to me in many lessons lately. The most poignant one was a few weeks ago when a particularly "MALE" friend of mine (who I esteem and respect) simply needed me to listen. That is all. Keeping ones mouth shut and giving them the forum to vent or share. He chastened me for not "being present". I was really humbled and thought for a few days about his words and some other things that coincided with that event. A break through happened. I was ready to start looking at my responsibility to start behaving in the manner that I needed to to acquire the things I truly wanted.

It has been a series of daily prepared restraint as opposed to prepared speeches. Slowing down, thinking, meditating, breathing, etc. Tying to understand the responsibility of "being present". It is interesting. I am realizing that by slowing down, I am making less mistakes, connecting more, and actually gaining more power as a "feminine" then always feeling I needed to have something pertinent to say. I am really only in the baby stages of this, but it is a thrilling and humbling exercise in self-control and awareness.

I cannot beat myself up for the past or be frozen by fear or disappointment. It is simply a choice to be gentle with oneself and use the past as building blocks rather then restraints. I read a quote from one of my "old friends" that I turn to for wisdom from time to time that said:

"Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Good stuff and a nice reminder that we alone have the power to change and create whatever role or experience we aspire to have in life. I have alot to learn, but I think I am off to a good start.